MOVIE REVIEW: You’ll wish this movie never happened
The first truly terrible movie of 2020 is now in our midst.
(Not wanting to cause a meowt-rage, but Cats doesn't count, as it was released on Boxing Day 2019.)
While Fantasy Island won't be the last stinker of the year, this slam-dunkingly feeble reboot must be avoided at all costs.
The corny premise that powered the ancient TV smash hit of yesteryear remains fixed in place: a bunch of well-off randoms travel to a mysterious private isle that can deliver any wish-fulfilling fantasy they so desire.
Had the movie stuck with this basic blueprint, it might have stayed in the vicinity of watchable for at least a few of its 110 minutes of screen time.
However, a decision by filmmakers to fully turn the Fantasy Island concept into a half-cocked horror movie buys the entire doomed enterprise a one-way ticket to the bottom of the barrel.
Among the guests about to learn the same lame lesson about leaving the past unaltered are a glum woman (Maggie Q) who wants another shot at answering a marriage proposal, a tormented woman (Lucy Hale) confronted by her long-lost bully, and two idiotic step-bros (Ryan Hansen and Jimmy O. Yang) who just want to party all the time.
Michael Pena plays the island's faintly mysterious CEO Mr Roarke, an annoying figure who talks in riddles and takes his time while doing so.
Those who do remember the TV show will shocked to learn the program's most renowned character, the diminutive Tattoo, is nowhere to be seen.
FANTASY ISLAND (M)
Director: Jeff Wadlow (Truth or Dare)
Starring: Michael Pena, Lucy Hale, Maggie Q, Ryan Hansen, Jimmy O. Yang.
Wish it never happened